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After breaking up with somebody you loved, the shock can be overwhelming, and it’s normal to work through the loss. There’s going to be pain, longing and maybe even depression. But most experts advocate taking it slow; some say that for every year you were together, you should wait one month before dating again. And yet just like falling in love can feel irrational and illogical at times, so can ending the relationship…causing some people to do crazy things like set up an online dating profile immediately.
Sadly, some people will start dating—or at least put up a profile on a dating site—with the hopes that her ex will find out about it. There’s a childish element here of “Nah-nah, I don’t need you, I have somebody else!” Clearly this isn’t a healthy approach, and will probably just end up with more hurt feelings all around, even for the dater. But more than that, it proves that the person jumping into the dating pool is not over the former partner, no matter how much she protests to the contrary.
4 Ego Boost
A breakup can be a huge blow to the ego, and the ego always wants to recover as quickly as possible. Online profiles often bring fast results, and having new potential dates fawning, flirting and “winking” can certainly make a fragile ego feel better—and more attractive. At least on some level, it beats wallowing in self-pity. But satisfying the ego very rarely satisfies the soul, which is why this is really just a shallow Band-Aid approach.
We all want closure after something tragic happens, and it’s natural to want that when a relationship has gone sour. The illusion might be that moving on right away will bring closure to the painful breakup, through creating new experiences with somebody else. Putting up a profile is a small step, but a symbolic move. And yet, unless enough time has passed for healing to take place, it’s very unlikely that this will work; it’s like getting a tattoo to camouflage a scar when the cut is still bleeding.
Some people fill the void by getting a pet right away. Others will spend more time with friends or family. But whatever way you slice it, after spending so much time with one person, there are going to be feelings of emptiness when they’re gone. It’s also hard to retrain habits, and if your habit is to hang out with somebody and go on romantic outings, the best way to feed that habit might seem like dating someone new…or at least chatting and emailing with dating site hotties looking for action.
1 Pain Avoidance
Breakups hurt, and people use all kinds of tactics to avoid pain, including falling into addictive behavior. Some drink, some smoke, some do drugs and some eat too much. And after experiencing the pain of a breakup, some people naturally think they can ease that pain by dating somebody else. It’s like we were taught as kids: Just get back on the horse. And if the horse is another partner, well, at least it hurts less to jump on than to be trampled. Even just browsing countless online profiles can seem to soothe the pain.