5 "I’ll be ready in one minute."
Lies. You will always take longer than that. Every time he gets his hopes up to be let down. Let’s just be honest ladies. How about the truth, “I’m not ready, can you please wait for me?” You catch more bees with honey than fibs. If he’s over 16, he knows that he has to wait on women. The prettier the gal the longer the wait. Manage his expectations as best you can to keep arguments while traveling to a minimum.
4 "Aren’t you going to tag us in those pictures?"
Tag yourself. This would be considered nagging. And nagging is much worse in text because the inflection of your plea in that sweet voice than gets boys to do things for you is absent. An emoticon cannot replace batting eyes and a cleavage reveal. Anything petty that you can do for yourself isn’t worth a nagging text, especially social media acts.
3 “My ex bf’s in town. Grabbing a drink.”
Anything that involves an ex-boyfriend will immediately get a rise out of him. Texting about this only leaves him fuming. Even if this dude gained 200 lbs and got engaged to your best friend, just don’t mention you dated him once 10 years ago. It’s just not worth it. No matter what he will be jealous and speculative for no reason. Whether you like it or not, you’re his marked territory and any inkling that some other dude could encroach that territory is met with snarls and growls.
2 "I’m late. And not for dinner."
However you phrase it, don’t start this conversation over text. Most men need to be eased into the delicate notion of a baking bun. Regardless if they want it or not, his life flashes before his eyes, he becomes flush, sweaty and panicked. This is a moment that needs to be handled with care in a calming, relaxed manner. Low light situations with zen music, lavender fragrance, and no sudden movements are best for breaking this type news.
1 “What should I wear?”
Unless you’re a beard, he’s not going to know what you should wear. A better way of putting this is to ask about the type of venue rather than attire. Questions like, “Is this place fancy?” or “Do we have to walk far?” or “Is this that dive bar with the pool tables and loitering homeless people?” will better bring you to a conclusion on what to wear. Don’t expect him to know if you should put on heels or bring a jacket or wear jeans, he’s going to want you in stilettos and a little black dress no matter what.
Remember to send love notes every now and then, thank-yous, and photos of your new bra when applicable. Know that he might not answer right away if he happens to be visiting the john, at work, or watching sports. Whatever you do, don’t get mad in a text message. Wait until you see him to give the cold shoulder.
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