Just because you use the sidewalk like a runway doesn’t make you a model. I don’t care if you’ve been on America’s Next Top Whatever, you can’t smeyes your way outta this one. The hand-on-hip skinny arm pose only makes me take note that you read gossip magazines. Others include: fixing-hair-to-look-serious, back breaker laugh, hair flip, skinny side look, cleavage clench, pouty face and yes, duck face (see #1). This is unnatural human behavior and should be stopped.
4 Playing with the Hair
People have a notion that a girl fiddling with her locks means she want to get laid or that she’s super into you. Challenge: it probably means she’s got a bad habit of playing with her hair. It’s a nervous habit, and gals, the more you twirl, the harder it is to stop. The twirling could become a compulsion and gradually lead to pulling and then oops a bald spot, Trichotillomania, and whole lot of psych bills. That’s not sexy at all. Plus, it makes you look, like, totally ditzy, like total valley girl. Like, totally not sexy, duh!
3 Stuff on the Lips
Sure a luscious strawberry dipped in whip cream licked by a feminine mouth in super slow motion is sexy. Chewing on a straw and showing off the teeth marks while you slosh back drinks is not. Gnawing on a pen cap during a meeting, nope, not that one either. Biting your nails as you giggle, um… guess again. A cherry from atop an ice cream Sunday, sure. Fishing the cherry out of the bottom of a cocktail with your dirty finger so you can tie the stem in a knot? Not so much.
2 Dramatic Eye Makeup
Or make-up in general. You want a man to make you feel like Aretha sang: a natural woman. This is not possible when you put on pounds of war paint for an evening out. When the smoky eyes go wrong, you end up looking like an anime cartoon poorly subtitled, or worse, a panda. And while those furry, bamboo-eating friends are cute, they are too roly-poly to be considered sexy. Plus, they’re bears. Less is more is a good rule for dolling up those peepers.
1 Duck Face
When is this kissy-face photo facade going to phase out already? You all look like idiots. That pucker isn’t doing you any favors. Is it that you’ve temporarily forgotten how to smile? Or is this a new custom made possible by the members of the slut council of America? I’m going to go out on a limb and say this facial expression is only acceptable if you actually happen to be a duck. Save this face for our feathered friends.